"Avengers: Endgame" - SPOILER ALERT

"Endgame" was a lot to take in. I found that both pleasing and unpleasing. It had a lot of depth to it, which is one of the elements that makes a movie great. However, the end left me with an unsettling and empty feeling. 

I have never been one to deal with loss well. Even before the loss of my best friend, I had a hard time accepting loss, which made losing her even harder. I remember when I was a child and my cousin would spend some time at our house after school until her parents picked her up to take her home. I cried almost every single time she had to leave, even knowing she'd be back the very next day. 

This translates even into fictional worlds. I was heartbroken when Natasha died, and I was even more devastated when Tony died. He was one of my favorite avengers, second to Thor. When Natasha and Tony died, it was like losing two of my closest friends. I watched the movie twice and I admit, the second time around, Natasha's death was easier for me to accept because I realized it had to happen. But then, so did Iron Man's passing. But for some reason, I still had a hard time dealing with his death.

At the end of the previous Avengers movie, half the population was wiped out, including some of the avengers themselves. However, I never felt like that was the end for them. I was always hopeful they would come back. That isn't the case with Natasha and Tony. They aren't coming back. Tony's speech at the end did help ease the pain just a bit. He seemed to understand how I felt when he said, "Everybody wants a happy ending. Right? But it doesn't always roll that way." I felt like he was talking directly to me.

The sadness and empty feeling of loss is not to take away from the quality of the movie, however. It had all the elements of what makes a movie great, and then some. I have said this before, and I'll say it again - I love how Marvel brings back characters from the past without resurrecting all of them. That would simply not be believable every single time. In this movie, they played with the concept of time. It was fun to go back to those time periods and revisit characters and events of years past. Two of the most touching scenes to me were when Steve Rogers saw Agent Carter through the window and when Tony Stark spoke with his dad. It isn't uncommon for MCU super heroes to revisit lost parents or mentors, but it was done in a very unique way this time.

I actually didn't have high hopes for the movie in the beginning, though. Ever since Ant-Man was trapped at the end of his last movie, I was wondering in what epic way he'd either escape or be rescued. His escape lasted just a few moments at the beginning of "Endgame". And it was because of a rat. Blah. I was hoping for something bigger than that (not that rats aren't already big enough themselves...). I suppose it was meant to be silly. After all, it goes right along with the feel of the Ant-Man movies. They're hilarious and silly. So for that, much credit is due to the MCU. But for me, well, I wanted more to his escape.  I also did not take to "Smart Hulk" very well in the beginning, although I did eventually get used to him.

I noticed some contrasts (or perhaps it's just life's way of finding balance) in this movie, specifically with gain and loss. At the beginning of the movie, Hawkeye lost his family, but Ant-Man's daughter gained him back. At the end of the movie, the population that was previously wiped out, returned, but Natasha and Tony made the ultimate sacrifice to make this happen. Hawkeye lost Natasha (there seemed to be a spark between those two), but I thought it was beautiful how the first sign they received that their mission was successful was when Hawkeye's wife called. At that moment, everything seemed to come full circle and I got the feeling that everything was going to be alright. Yes, we lost Natasha and Tony, which was heartbreaking, but they helped bring back everyone who, as Rocky stated, was "kinda gone". 

Speaking of Rocky's words, I really liked what he said to Thor when Thor was upset about having lost his mom and he wanted to give up the mission. Rocky reminded him that while it's upsetting that some people are gone forever, they could still help those who were only "kinda gone". It was a good reminder to me to focus on what can be done, rather than on what can't be done and on what I have, rather than on what I don't have. Wow, I've really come to love and respect that racoon.

Let's talk more about my beloved Thor. He is still my favorite avenger and I'm glad his hair grew back, but good grief! He sure did change! I was really hoping he would become "the old Thor" again by the end of the movie. I'm undecided if he did or not. Maybe he's in the process of healing. After all, it does take time. I am glad he's still around and I look forward to seeing him in future movies, possibly with Valkyrie. I see something beautiful about to happen with those two.

One of the things MCU does so well is find new ways to make battle scenes unique. Captain America fighting Captain America was brilliant!! And I laughed out loud when one of those Captain Americas announced that he had found Loki (since Loki had a way of disguising himself). 

It was an amazing feeling when everyone who had turned to dust returned in epic fashion. And it was even more epic when Thanos himself turned to dust, although one has to wonder that since all of those other people returned, will Thanos also eventually return? Hmmm...

The only character I missed not seeing in this movie was Luis. I thought he deserved at least a small part in it. He's one of my favorites, as he adds an element that only Luis can.

I wasn't sure how to deal with Captain America having lived a long life and him aging at the end. In one way, it was classy. He finally got his dance with Agent Carter! However, is this the end of Captain America also? If so, that makes me sad. But I'm also happy for him.

I know that "Black Window" will be in theaters soon. Well, maybe. In any case, I'll most likely wait until it is released on DVD to watch it. In "Endgame", Natasha made a comment about how she once had nothing and she was better because of it. I'm curious to see why. I'd also like to know more of the backstory with her and Hawkeye.  

But first - "Spider-Man: Far from Home"! I can't believe I've almost reached the end of the MCU road, at least for those movies that have already been released. After Spidey, I'll have to wait with everyone else to see the next one. Sigh...